19 Every Cloud has a silver lining

Tell me truth - Dimmi la verità (Italian song)

Dear reader, there are only two chapters left after this one. Sergio and Luke finally enjoy some alone time.

If you’re new here, check out all the chapters on my profile before reading this one. Thank you.

19 Tell me truth

At the Topolina the party was going ahead with no sign it would be over soon. Initially, the collapse of the Lookouts organizer had meant that the enthusiasm had to be somehow restrained, out of respect. However, when the news spread, that Signor Belluomo was in stable condition, it seemed silly not to enjoy what had been a media victory beyond all expectations. The storm had passed as fast as it had arrived and the crowd, tightly packed into the Topolina, had poured back out onto the piazza.

Sergio had found himself, once again, in the fortunate position of casual hero, only that this time his deeds had been filmed by cameras from all over the world, so much so that both Danzi and Luke were the first to contend over him for an interview.

Like a true gentleman, Luke let Michela go ahead first.

Behind them, in front of the camera, a small crowd had gathered: Sergio’s mum with Clara, Pierina and Lucrezia. Stefania’s grandmother who, having thrown herself in the atmosphere of the day, still wore a rainbow-coloured boa and glitters which sparkled under the spotlight. Her pensioner friends who like moths kept wandering from flash to flash and, finally, exhausted Mirco and Sara, who had settled in front of Sergio’s mum staring at the journalist, intimidated by the camera.

Teresa, Piero and Adele had let the older ladies enjoy their moment of glory, following the interview from behind the camera instead. At one point Sergio was sure he noticed his sister and Piero exchanging phone numbers, when Adele looked back at him, he gave her a knowing smile. The reporter’s amazement spread to the listeners when Sergio explained that this was the second time he had intervened to save the notary’s life that day. In the meantime, one of the techs had managed to find Stefania and Giovanna, so they too joined Sergio while Leonarda was kept busy with the inauguration of the Topolina.

When asked a question, Giovanna, at first intimidated, soon found her usual confidence:

-Surely the fact that tonight’s events took place in front of half the world’s cameras, so unexpectedly, will have important consequences, if only to galvanize our community. Not to mention Franco’s testimony; heart-breaking, but many boys and girls who find themselves in his situation will find it very helpful. I also want to join the others wishing Signor Belluomo a speedy recovery. In addition, and I finish, I would like to comment on that very delicate moment, that double revelation, which should have been a very personal thing and instead became so public. It really shows how the ‘homosexuals’, to which people refer almost as if we were foreign entities, instead, they may be your children who are afraid to come out to you, your best friend who pretends all the time or your colleague at work whom you are constantly asking why she doesn’t have a boyfriend. It is important to take this into account and to be able to create a climate in which everyone is confident to be whoever they are-

Stefania nodded meaning that she wanted to add another point:

-One last thing, it also seems to me that the developments at the end of the evening have made it clear once and for all that perhaps the champions of the traditional family should first worry about what happens inside their own, rather than make an effort to ensure that others won’t have the right to have one! Really Signor Belluomo, and I say this with hope, for you, for your wife and your daughter... I hope you will get well soon and who knows, maybe, thanks to what happened tonight you will be able to open a new chapter in the history of your family. Maybe really, every cloud has a silver lining... Best wishes!- When she finished, her grandmother let out a proud applause that was picked up by her friends and the knot of people around them.

Other television networks, from RAI to the ABC, went in search of the protagonists of the evening. Lucrezia had been tracked down by a Spanish television channel and so began speaking in Spanish:

-Buonaseras a tuttis!-, Which immediately made it clear to the reporter that they needed a translator. After a few questions that the three did not shy away from answering in more detail than they perhaps should have had, the journalist turned to her audience amused:

- Mr. Almodovar, if you are following us, I am sure that there is some material for you in here somewhere...-

One by one the spotlights began to be switched off, the television crews left the piazza and a sense of normality returned to reclaim that little corner of the city. The street lights were reflected in dark puddles and, those who had taken some precautions against the weather, had put on their sweaters and jackets to protect themselves from the cool air that had followed the storm. Music came out of the Topolina: a compilation of Italian classics, the muffled sound mixing with the chatter that came from inside the bar and being carried to the small groups of people peppered along the pavement.

Inside the two rooms the tables and stools were all occupied, more people were standing or leaning against the walls. The free refreshments had long since ended and the girls hired by Leonarda were busy taking orders, mixing cocktails, and trying to avoid colliding with the patrons. Leonarda, on the other hand, was in the kitchen preparing antipasti and panini with the help of the indefatigable Tonnolini who had decided to stay and enjoy the atmosphere.

Stefania and Giovanna had quickly passed by the studio in via Borgondio where they had changed into something more suited to an inauguration, regretting not having had time to do it earlier, for the cameras.

-Fuck we are hot!- Was Stefania’s comment after checking herself in the bathroom mirror. Going back to the Topolina they ran into Clara and Pierina.

-Hi beautiful, we’re going home we’re tired! Lucrezia is still there. Thanks for the evening. What a show... and not just the music!- Pierina said laughing holding her friend under her arm. When the two younger women were at a distance she added in a low voice:

-I don’t understood why those two aren’t together-,

-True. They would make a lovely couple!- Clara answered shaking her head.

Piero and Adele, after a beer, reluctantly decided that it was time to leave the bar: the children had to go to school the next day and now they were exhausted.

-So, let’s talk one of these days... give me a call if you feel like!- Piero said hopefully, but feeling vulnerable.

Adele turned to her son:

-What do you think Mirco? Would you like to catch up with Sara one of these days?-

-Yay!- was the child’s enthusiastic response, -So we can dance!-

-Well then, it will mean that mum and Piero will have to meet again... and soon!- Finished Adele, winking at the man who visibly relaxed.

-Let’s go mum, I’ll take you home- She added.

Her mum was chatting with Stefania’s grandmother, but hadn’t missed the exchange between Adele and the man. She got up and, taking Mirco by the hand, left her room followed by her daughter, Piero and Sara. In the entrance room she saw Sergio sitting at one of the tables; she had wondered where her son had ended up. Next to him was that English reporter. Surprised, she thought that he was still interviewing her son, then she gave a closer look and saw that Sergio had placed a hand on the other man’s jeans and was stroking his leg with slow movements.

Seeing her, Sergio composed himself,

-Hi mum, are you going? Thanks for coming! A success...-

-Bye dear, yes I am off. Won’t you introduce me properly to your English friend?- She asked him slyly.

Sergio knew he had been caught: he knew his mother and how nothing could get past her. He assumed that vaguely scarlet colour that he reserved for occasions like this and introduced Luke to his mum.

-Hello Signora, you do look a lot like your son- Said Luke, rising from the stool, also showing signs of yielding under the inquisitive gaze of the woman.

-Yes, I know, but I’m more beautiful! Come on Mirco, say goodbye to your uncle and Luke. Until next time- She pronounced the name Look and left the room. Luke heaved a sigh of relief.

Adele went up to her brother,

-She caught you, didn’t she?- She said in his ear, laughing,

-Yes, yes, you can laugh. I’m sure she noticed you two too...-

Sergio answered pretending to be annoyed, indicating Piero who had raised his hands smiling as if to say ‘I have nothing to do with this’

Then they exchanged their last goodbyes until Sergio and Luke found themselves again alone at the table.

Sergio had a look around; the Topolina was still packed. From the other room he heard Giovanna’s laughter, that distinctive sound of hers: contagious and intolerable at the same time. Earlier he had bumped into Teresa, she had confirmed that the notary was in stable condition, and added that she was going to sit with his friends while she waited for further news from Luisa.

-Are you going to join us?- She had asked him, but no, now that he had managed to conquer a table he certainly wouldn’t let it go and then he wanted to be alone, with Luke.

-Another drink? He asked him optimistically.

-Yes why not? The company is not that bad... A beer, thank you-, Luke gave him a wink as Sergio got up to order.

Luke was still excited: from a purely professional point of view, that day was his most important breakthrough. His report, as well as being broadcast live, had been replayed in the following editions of the news programs. His commentary of the climatic happening was trending in the British media: the coming out of the Lookout’s daughter, the confrontation between Lucrezia and Paolina and the notary’s wife’s shocking revelations, together with the untimely storm had all the right ingredients of an Italian drama: secrets, passions and betrayals.

He had called home and as he expected, yes, they had watched the live broadcast. He talked to Agatha and asked her if she had seen him on television,

-Yes daddy, but I didn’t understand anything! Mum wants to say hello...- Agatha left the receiver, Luke waited a few seconds and then heard Emily’s voice:

-Hi darling, what a scoop! Congratulations. Are you carving out a new career? - Emily’s voice was always the one that most of all reminded him of home, it carried him to London.

-And the Pulitzer Prize goes to... Mr. Hoskins!- Luke joked, then without mentioning Sergio, told her about the bizarre chain of events that had brought him there. When Emily asked him if there were any other news, Luke smiled to himself, but replied that no, there was none and that now he was exhausted. He said goodbye to her promising that he would call her on Skype the day after .

Sergio returned to the table with a large beer and, for himself, a gin & tonic. Luke was looking out the window with his back to him, his chin resting on one hand while with the other he drummed on the table distractedly to the rhythm of the music.

He sat in front of him putting down the beer,

-What are you thinking about?-

-Nothing in particular, about today… all these coincidences. Cheers!- Luke made a toast raising his glass. He looked Sergio in the eyes and raised his eyebrows showing disbelief at how things had developed. Then he smiled,

-Where did we leave it earlier, before the arrival of the fearsome Iron Lady?-

It didn’t take long for Sergio to get the message and he put his hand back on Luke’s jeans, Luke took it and squeezed it in his. Amused by the absurdity of the situation, he asked him in a low voice, as if they were surrounded by enemy spies:

-Why are we keeping our hands under the table?-

Whispering Sergio replied:

-I don’t know!- And laughed, noting how the habit of hiding one’s affection was a hard one to die.

But perhaps the reason was different, they had already let their guard down with that short kiss a few hours before outside the Topolina, instinctive and unexpected, but Sergio didn’t want his friends in the bar to come to hasty conclusions. Or perhaps he preferred not to attract attention, so that that moment remained such: an instant of happiness that would soon be added to all the others, leaving behind a sweet memory, without really becoming anything more than that.

So they both remained with their hands clasped under the table and their knees touching; just like so.

They had already gone over the events of the day, then, as in any self-respecting ‘first date’, they had navigated around possible affinities and dissimilarities. Sergio asked Luke where he had learned Italian. Luke asked Sergio, for how many years and where he had lived in London and for a while they explored that London past they had in common. They had probed their musical tastes: which were their favourite movies and which authors they loved most. Surprised, they both listed ‘Alias Grace’ as their favourite novel. But until then they had managed to avoid getting to know each other delving into more personal questions, as if by ignoring them they’d be’ unable to ruin that moment. One never knows what they might discover.

Luke had drunk most of the beer and it looked as if the conversation was beginning to stall. Unless one of them made up his mind to ask those questions, they would risk spending the evening ignoring the elephant in the room: the cumbersome reality they both seemed determined to avoid. Obviously they were attracted to each other, but in two days Luke would be gone, so the options available were limited: using those few hours to really get to know each other and then who knows where to go from there; use those few hours and have sex, tempting for both of them, if a bit cliché, or come to the conclusion that those few hours had already been used up and it was time to say a goodbye.

-So? What about you? Really.- Sergio, who had finished his third G&T found option number one worth considering. He had asked it seriously, almost regretting it straight away, but aware of the fact that that uncomfortable silence had to be broken.

-Have you finished your drink?- Luke answered, Sergio nodded.

-Shall we go outside?- Sergio got up, took his bag and headed for the exit. Outside, two women were talking to each other, waving their hands, drawing light trails with their cigarettes.

Luke walked to the opposite side of the street and leaned against the stone wall that belonged to the apse of a church.

-Well, if I still smoked, now it would be the right time to light up!- He said. He had smoked his last roll up four years earlier and now was missing the ritual of pinching a little tobacco, lay it on the flat paper, roll it tightly without a filter, light, inhale and then, only then, face what there was to face.

-I only asked you to tell me something about yourself... it’s not a job interview- Sergio tried to ease the tension.

-No, it’s not that, it’s not you that makes me nervous, yes, it’s... it’s stupid-

Luke was a bit lost, -It’s something I’ve had in mind all day. You know when you wonder if it’s worth letting yourself go? Make yourself vulnerable when you know very well that in all probability you do it for nothing, like chasing a soap bubble that disappears the moment you touch it?-

Sergio leaned against the wall next to him, the street was deserted and took his hand. Luke continued:

-When I saw you in the street, with the notary, I felt something. It was so long that I didn’t feel anything like that. And then, you were so awkward...-

-Awkward, me!?- Sergio pretended to protest.

-Yes, right... look, it’s a compliment, I don’t like people who are too self-confident- Luke gave him a smile.

-Okay then, go on...-

-Yes. So, I don’t know what it is and I’m not a kid, but when we were talking to each other in the street, I kept telling myself that it was a pity you lived so far away. Then I asked you to take me for a tour, without even thinking about it. That’s not something I do, I’m useless when it comes to making the first move. Anyway, since then a part of me hopes that I hadn’t asked you anything and the other one has never been so happy that I took the wrong decision...-

Sergio got closer, looked around and then turned to Luke. He moved forward until their lips met, this time they lingered. Sergio gave himself a push away from the wall, turning so that they were now facing each other, his hands began to stroke Luke’s hair while Luke had brought his around Sergio’s hips holding him closer while they continued kissing.

The door of the Topolina opened and a group of people came out heading in the opposite direction to where they were, but it was enough to make them stop, trying to quickly compose themselves, they looked at each other and began to to laugh. They leaned their foreheads against each other.

-I could start over...- Sergio whispered

-Me too, right away, but first I have to tell you everything, otherwise I’ll never do it- Luke began tapping a finger on the tip of his nose and wrinkled it, a habit of his, whenever he found himself pondering what to do.

-Here, the point is: as you understand I like you, a lot actually, too much if I think I met you just a few hours ago. And that scares me, because I don’t want to get hurt and I already know I will anyway- Luke paused, then went on. His words came out suddenly, as if he had thrown them out there: -I have a three-year-old daughter and...-

-Wonderful!- Sergio exclaimed, quickly going back in his mind to his morning fantasies. Then he calmed down considering that the presence of a child could imply other less desirable revelations.

-Wonderful, yes-. Luke had thought that Sergio’s reaction to him being a father could be the first test: if he had failed it, everything would have been, if not easier, at least clearer. But no, Sergio seemed enthusiastic, the test had been passed with flying colours.

-But, you see, I’m tied up: Agatha comes first. That’s why I’m afraid, I don’t want to fall in love…-, he paused again: -I can’t fucking believe I just said that!- He continued surprised with himself,

-… Well, I don’t want to fall in love with a man who lives 1000 miles from my home, I’m already away often, for work, God forbid a long-distance relationship on top of that. You see, since Agatha was born, I have changed, apart from the fact that I don’t have much time for myself, the energy, the desire to find a partner has also gone. Of course, there have been a few things here and there...-

-All terrible, I am sure!- Sergio wanted to clarify what he thought of Luke’s previous adventures.

-Nothing serious, Your Holiness. Not to mention that some, the moment I mentioned having a daughter, disappeared like fog burnt by the sun. So, you see, I was there, with my heart at peace, calm and resigned, and what happens to me? I come to Italy, to Brescia, a well-known international destination, and who do I get a crush on? The first receptionist I find in the hotel!-

-He must be gorgeous- Sergio urged him, playing the game,

“Yes, but apparently not as much as his mother!- Luke laughed, looking at his shoes embarrassed.

-Sorry, but I can’t see where would the problem be? - Actually Sergio thought he understood, but he wanted to hear it from Luke’s mouth.

-The problem is that I don’t know if I’m strong enough to let myself being involved: I told you, I don’t want to get hurt, like, in two, three months, when we realize that commuting Brescia to London is not such great fun after all. See, I’m not usually so... so into someone, I don’t even know what’s going through your head. And then the British should be the reserved ones! Here, it’s your turn now, then, what’s on your mind?-

Luke stared at Sergio waiting for his reaction and then he repeated: -We met this morning, what the fuck am I saying?!-

Instead of answering Sergio got closer again and without finding too much resistance kissed him again: a long, indulgent, comforting kiss. He stopped for a moment and whispered in his ear:

-That’s what’s going through my head...-

Sergio was finding himself in a new position. He, whom Giovanna always accused of making castles in the air, who threw himself with amateur enthusiasm at the first scent of an adventure and who had spent the day fantasizing about an implausible future. Well, he was instead in the unlikely position of being the one who had to reassure Luke by explaining that, this time, they were both craving that implausible future together.

-If that doesn’t work, it doesn’t matter if we live ten or ten thousand miles away. Sure it’s harder to manage but look, we’re not 17 any more right? If we try hard enough... why not? And who knows, my friends keep boring me, saying I should go back to London so they’d have a place to stay... if it was worth, I might as well consider it. Maybe you are overthinking it because you are afraid of letting your daughter down, you feel responsible for her: you want to be sure that you will find the ‘right man’, but in this way you risk not finding anyone at all-

Luke was smiling listening to these words: he couldn’t have said it better himself.

Looking at him, taking him in, Sergio realized that Luke was still wearing only a T-shirt, the same as that morning.

-Fuck, I know you British are half Vikings, but you must be freezing by now, come, I’ll give you my sweater!- He rummaged in the bag and pulled out the jumper.

-Raise your arms- He ordered. Luke obeyed, amused, taking off his glasses. Sergio slipped on the sweater from above, when Luke’s head resurfaced, he stopped for a moment taking the opportunity to give him another quick kiss, - On top of that I’ve always wanted to be a dad!-

-You know, hem, there is also a mum...-

-That would have been the next question!-

--It’s a long story, but I’ll give you a recap. If you let me...-

-Please do...- Sergio leaned back against the wall, preparing himself for the worst.

-Her name is Emily, I have known her since we were, I think, nine. Her family had just moved to Crouch End, on the same street where we lived, so we saw each other every day, we’d come home from school together, homework together, in short, we spent most days together. Then we went to the same college, by now everyone thought we were a couple, even our parents, but so far nothing had happened. I already had my doubts, of course, but they were a part of me that I didn’t want to explore-

Luke spoke carefully, choosing his words, almost skimming them from a narrative that otherwise would have been difficult to summarize.

-It seems incredible, but even living in London, in the 90s, with open minded parents and other gay friends, I was uncapable to have that inner dialogue. Then, as if to prove myself, but also because the bond with Emily was really strong, during the last year of college we got together; for real. It was nice, even the sex wasn’t bad but that restlessness was always there. I moved to Birmingham to study Media and Emily to Cardiff . As you can expect, those were the craziest years: Emily and I would try to meet on weekends, but sometimes we just couldn’t. Imagine, I was doing Media, not to stereotype, but it was full of gay guys and so, drunk, I did kiss a few guys at parties, nothing more. Even so, I was convinced I was pure breed straight or that at least I could live as such. And, of course, there was always Emily. After uni we both went back to London, got nice jobs and decided to rent a flat together, in Holloway. Everything was fine and we had begun to consider getting married. I changed job and started at the BBC, I thought I had everything under control when, at a Christmas party, a male colleague, also new on the job, went outside with me for a cigarette and a bit of fresh air. It was windy, so we sheltered in a side alley. I don’t remember how, we had been drinking, but I know we started kissing. Instead of returning to the party we took a cab and we went to his. I’ll spare you the details. That was the first time I properly cheated on Emily, imagine how I felt! And I didn’t even have any more justifications to give myself about being straight.- Luke was almost shaking -The thing with my colleague lasted a little while and then it ended like that, no major drama, but by now I had gone too far and I felt like shit for how I was treating Emily. Then there was the pressing matter of the wedding, we had to decide on a date. Eventually I told her everything. You know, she was my best friend. Imagine how she took it. Of course we broke up and for years the only news I had of her was through my parents who had stayed good friends with hers-

Sergio, leaning against the wall, was listening to Luke’s narration trying to understand where he was going.

-One day, it was 2009, I got a call. It was Emily, hearing her voice was like stepping back in time. We talked for a while, then she asked me if he’d like to meet her for lunch that weekend. And there she made me a proposal that I couldn’t refuse. Since we broke up, both of us had had some more or less important relationships, but, one way or the other they had all ended. At the time I wasn’t seeing anyone and after the buzz from coming out I was starting to find my way into this world new to me. Obviously I wanted to explain myself, make her understand that those years spent together, for me, weren’t a lie.

Of course, Emily too had had time to think it over. So she went straight to the point. She told me that she wanted to have a baby: she had been diagnosed with an issue that, over time, would have limited her ability to conceive, even though she was only 32. When we were together we often imagined what our family would be like, we never thought that the reality would turn out to be less conventional than expected. Emily had frozen her eggs, in case she found a partner one day, but she didn’t want to take the risk, she told me she wanted me to be the father of her child. I won’t tell you how I took it: by now I had lost any hope of becoming a dad one day. I told her that I would think it over even though I already knew what the answer would be. In fact, I called her back that same afternoon and said yes, on the condition that I could really be the father, in the sense that I wanted to be there, not just as a donor, do you understand?-

-Of course...- Sergio was listening, trying to create an image of the other man’s past by putting together the fragments of information that Luke was offering him.

-Emily said that that had always been her intention, that she had thought of me precisely because she knew I would be a great dad. Now comes the strange bit because you know the speech about the storks... the bees and the flowers... in short, this child had to be conceived...-

Sergio’s eyes widened.

-We could have done like the lady in the square earlier, you know... a test tube and a syringe, instead we decided to, uh, keep it traditional, dust off the old habits, so to speak...-

Sergio looked at him incredulous and impressed, as if Luke had told him he had made a heroic gesture, overcoming one of Hercules’ 12 labours.

-Yes, it was weird, at first embarrassing, but you know, it wasn’t the first time, between us, and then, once you’re there...-

-I bet it was she who insisted, just to prove that she still managed to make you go... you know…- Sergio commented maliciously, trying to imagine himself in that situation, but failing.

-No! We made the decision together, it seemed like the right thing. I remember we decided to try once, if that didn’t work, then we would have found an alternative. Luckily it worked right away- Luke replied with a hint of pride, winking at his manhood.

-The rest have been years of wonder and discoveries. Agatha is the focus of my…of our life. Look, I have a photo-

Luke picked up the phone and after a moment the image of a blonde baby girl with green eyes appeared on the screen, she was laughing. On one side of the photo one could see, as if it had been stuck to the camera, the outline of an ice cream, a cream moustache covered the child’s upper lip. Beside her was the smiling face of a woman whose long red hair was being ruffled by the wind.

- Agatha is beautiful! She looks like you-

-And of course, that’s Emily-

-Yeah, she’s not much to look at!- Sergio laughed, acting jealous: the woman radiated a confident beauty.

-We all live close by. We both went back to Crouch End, our flats are nearby. Me, Emily and our parents all live 5 minutes away from each others. When we are busy with work there are the four grandparents who are always happy to spend time with Agatha. At first they didn’t expect it to become grandparents like that, but then they got around the idea, you see, we’ve known each other for a lifetime. Emily is still single even though I believe she has started dating someone. She always worries about me, even today she asked me if there was any news...-

-What did you tell her?-

-I said no! I didn’t want to put strange ideas in her head, at least, not before I talked to you-

-Then call her now and tell her to go buy a hat. Or rather two, one for her and one for Agatha!-

Sergio began humming the Wedding March then, in Luke’s ear said:

-I’m glad you told me everything- He put his arm around his hips and for a moment they remained silent, to contemplate the future.

The door of the Topolina opened again and Teresa walked out followed by a chorus of -Ciao-. She saw the two men who in turn walked towards her.

-Luisa called me, the doctor has confirmed that her dad is stable and out of danger. They told her that she and her mum are better come home for the night. They are coming to pick me up in a taxi- She hadn’t yet finished speaking when a car reached the square and stopped a few meters from them. One of the doors opened and Luisa came out, running towards Teresa, hugging her. After a moment the other one opened too and Sabrina, having recognized Sergio, went towards him and thanked him for what he had done.

-I don’t know, probably you saved his life. I don’t have enough words to say thank you!-

-Imagine, it’s almost a tradition with your husband!-, Sergio played it down without Sabrina understanding what he meant.

The three women got into the taxi, Sergio and Luke went back to the Topolina this time joining their friends who greeted them lifting their arms to the sky shouting:-Alleluia!!- . The entrance door closed behind them, the square was silent again. Only piles of wet confetti, blown into corners and against the walls remained to witness the events of that day in May. A day when it seemed that anything could happen. Even in Brescia.